Entries Categorized as 'Jokes'

San Diego

Date October 22, 2007

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego ?"
 "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
 "Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three […]

Favorite Film Quotes

Date October 18, 2007

"Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn."  
- Clark Gable as Rhett Butler in "Gone with the Wind"  
 
"Get down off the cross, honey. Somebody needs the wood."  
- Dolly Parton as Shirlee Kenyon in "Straight Talk"  
 
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning."  
- Robert Duvall as Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore in  "Apocalypse Now"  
 
"This town needs […]

Taxes - And More Taxes

Date September 15, 2007

At first I thought this was funny…  Then I realized the awful truth of it. (Be sure to read all the way to the end!)
Tax his land, - Tax his bed,  - Tax the table - At which he’s fed.
Tax his tractor, - Tax his mule, Teach him taxes - Are the rule.
Tax his cow, […]

Chicken Jokes

Date August 26, 2007

Question: Why did the chicken lay an egg?
Answer: Because it would break if she dropped it!

Question: Where did the chicken go on her vacation?
Answer: Sandy Eggo
Question: Why did the egg cross the street?
Answer: To get to the shell station.
Question: Why did the chicken lay her eggs on a axe?
Answer: She wanted to hachet […]

The Nun

Date August 25, 2007

 A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local  Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation, and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.  However, when the revelers saw the nun, the […]

Blonde Joke

Date August 17, 2007

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don’t sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
 Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
 "I’m sorry", […]

Things To Think About

Date June 9, 2007

There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.  For example, I am sitting here thinking of how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

Baseball At 90

Date June 5, 2007

Two 90 year old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him every day. One day Moe says, "Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one favor, […]

Learning To Cuss

Date June 3, 2007

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it’s about time we started cussing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with […]

GOOD QUIZ FOR THE MIND

Date June 3, 2007

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn’t. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North […]